Dikhyaa Mohanty 
Would you use a medication to “cure” loneliness, if it were available? Young and old are affected by the so-called “loneliness epidemic,” which has received a lot of attention and commentary globally in recent years. Governments and decision-makers have even made multiple urgent appeals to solve it. It should be mentioned, though, that some scholars have questioned whether or not we actually have reliable evidence to support these assertions.
But even if there were enough evidence of a loneliness epidemic, I think it’s important to consider what that would mean about loneliness itself. For example, would it mean we should strive to eradicate it from our individual and collective lives, as we would a virus or disease? Loneliness-as-pathology” perspective, “solutions” like Prozac, or even socialising in “recovery groups” can reflect the idea that we should “abolish” loneliness.
However, I believe it’s crucial to think about what that would indicate about loneliness itself, even if there was sufficient evidence of an epidemic of loneliness. Would that imply, for instance, that, like a virus or disease, we should work to eradicate it from our individual and collective lives? Loneliness-as-pathology” viewpoint, “solutions” such as Prozac, or even participating in “healing groups” can all contribute to the notion that loneliness should be “abolished.”
Even still, I believe it’s necessary to take into account what loneliness itself would entail, even in the event if there was sufficient evidence of an epidemic of loneliness. Would that imply, for instance, that we ought to make an effort to remove it from both our personal and societal lives, much like we would a virus or disease? The belief that we should “abolish” loneliness might be reflected in the “loneliness-as-pathology” worldview, “solutions” like Prozac, or even socializing in “recovery groups.”
Should loneliness be an innate emotion ingrained in all of us from the beginning of time, then being alive entails experiencing loneliness. Thus, regardless of our attempts to reject or escape this reality, loneliness will come and go throughout a lifetime. My belief is that loneliness is not so much a “single feeling” as it is a label we apply to a jumble of human experiences and unfulfilled cravings that center around a sense of alienation that may occasionally be inevitable, based on a number of case studies of human suffering.
Researchers discover that as we get older, loneliness fluctuates in somewhat predictable ways. It seems strange, yet both when we’re young and old, we tend to be lonely. Up to 25% of members of those high-risk groups may experience loneliness often. When the inevitable uncomfortable sensations of loneliness set in, knowing why we become lonely at particular points in our lives might help us deal with them.
Researchers discover that as we get older, loneliness fluctuates in somewhat predictable ways. It seems strange, yet both when we’re young and old, we tend to be lonely. Up to 25% of members of those high-risk groups may experience loneliness often. When the inevitable uncomfortable sensations of loneliness set in, knowing why we become lonely at particular points in our lives might help us deal with them.
Quantity appeared to be most significant for the youngest group, aged 18 to 29: Young adults who saw friends less frequently tended to be more lonely. However, quality became crucial for adults between the ages of 30 and 64. This group felt more alone when they lacked confidants—people they could speak to in-depth. The quantity of time they spent with friends didn’t appear to be significant.
These results make sense when you consider the average life path. It’s beneficial for younger people to meet and spend time with a wide range of people as they pursue their jobs and romantic interests. We may see friends less frequently as we get older and maybe even become parents, but we still need someone to turn to when the burden of sick toddlers or power conflicts at work gets to be too much to handle. In fact, previous studies have shown that friendship quality counts more until the age of 50, and that having a large number of friends matters more for those in their teens and 20s in terms of their impact on our health.
For the oldest group in the study (ages 65–79), however, having a confidant or not had no bearing on how lonely they felt. According to the researchers’ conjectures, these senior citizens might not have high standards for their friendships and be pleased with a few reliable acquaintances or an occasional visit. Or they might depend on their relatives above their friends: Quality seems to still important at this age in a UK study that examined all kinds of interactions, not just friendships.
In addition to our loved ones and friends, romantic connections may also shield us from loneliness, especially as we age. In a second major study, conducted in Germany, young adults without a significant other did not have a higher risk of loneliness. However, older singles—beginning around age thirty—do seem to experience loneliness more intensely.
What’s going through the mind of a twentysomething who isn’t burdened by being alone? Or a woman in her 40s who finds fulfillment in monthly catchups with her best buddy despite not going out much? One idea holds that everything relies on our perception of what constitutes “normal.” Our social lives are less likely to cause us to worry about our relationships and become alarmed by loneliness if they are typical for someone our age.
They clarify that normal developmental processes also have an impact on these norms. One summary of studies states that young children are mostly looking for someone with whom to play and have fun until they are seven years old. Having a close buddy who is on your side and with whom you can communicate becomes crucial at that point. During the early adolescent years, when belonging and acceptance feel crucial, peer groups become increasingly important.
Our thoughts shift to romantic relationships as we approach our twenties, and it can be especially hurtful to be rejected by possible partners. Our desire for closeness increases, as does our need for the understanding and validation that only close friends can give. As we become older, these needs usually don’t change much, but our expectations can. The 80-year-old woman who treasures her two close friends is an example of how old age can bring about the loss of friends or partners as well as health issues that keep us from going on family holidays or coffee dates.
Consider employment and revenue, for instance. More so than in their early or late adult years, middle-aged individuals with lesser incomes experience greater levels of loneliness. Most individuals assume they won’t have to worry about money in middle life, even though seniors may expect to scrape by in retirement and 20-somethings may joke about being broke. Financially struggling people may feel ashamed of their circumstances, even while those around them appear to be living happily.
Similarly, compared to part-time or full-time workers, middle-aged adults without jobs appear to be more vulnerable to loneliness, though some study has produced contradicting results; nevertheless, this isn’t the case for elderly or young people. In actuality, young adults who work part-time—exactly what seems “normal” for a teen or college student—tend to be the least lonely.
In the meantime, loneliness also appears to increase when we experience health issues before our time—that is, when middle-aged folks begin to get disability payments or are diagnosed with potentially fatal illnesses like heart disease or stroke. The researchers behind this study, however, state that “severe illness in old-old age is more normative and to some extent expected.”
As we age, even negative emotions may cease to be as isolating because we begin to anticipate greater adversity. In one study, the association between loneliness and unpleasant emotions waned with age, following over 11,000 Germans aged 40–84 for up to 15 years. We seem to be more understanding of grumpy grandfathers, even though the researchers hypothesize that unhappy individuals may turn off friends and family. This is another example of how norms and expectations are at work. However, some adversities don’t seem to age. No matter their age, those who are members of underrepresented groups or who have had a protracted mental illness are more likely to experience loneliness.
If there are various causes for loneliness throughout our lives, what is the best way to deal with it? Although research hasn’t quite advanced to the point where it can identify the best treatments for various age groups, we do know how people often cope because of a survey conducted by Ami Rokach of York University, which asked over 700 participants to list their most helpful coping mechanisms for dealing with loneliness. People of all ages attempt to re-establish contact when they feel alone. They put themselves out there through their jobs, charity work, hobbies, and sports, and they strive to create social support networks that may provide them with love, direction, and a sense of belonging.
Prior to the age of 18, individuals show less interest in more contemplative, covert strategies for overcoming loneliness, such as practicing mindfulness and acceptance of uncomfortable emotions, seeking counseling or support groups, or relying on their religious beliefs. Compared to other age groups, adults (ages 31 to 58) employ all of these tactics more frequently, even one that might not be so healthy: using drugs or alcohol to cope with loneliness. With their more inwardly directed approaches, the adults might have a point if loneliness has less to do with our schedules and more to do with our mental states.
We might also think about attempting to cultivate self-compassion, as loneliness is linked to a lack of it. The ability to treat oneself with the same consideration and care that we would extend to a close friend is known as self-compassion. Understanding our shared humanity—that is, the idea that our pain is a normal component of being human and, in fact, what binds us to those around us—is one facet of practicing self-compassion. If we don’t act with common humanity, we can think that we’re the only ones having difficulties, which is a terrible lot like loneliness. What is the remedy? We tell ourselves, “Everyone experiences pain.” This is a typical occurrence. I am not alone in this. And then we might not be so alone in our loneliness, at least.
