Subhechcha Ganguly 
Surprisingly in India, according to the official women centric Data research more than 33% of women have been subjected to domestic abuse. Domestic abuse can be not only in terms of physical abuse but can also be subject to abuse of a person’s mental health. This results in deep rooted trauma patterns and way beyond that. Let us talk with the best person who would be able to talk about this issue and throw a light on it. Rakhi Kapoor is a celebrated author known for her impactful work on relationships and personal growth. She was honored with the Golden Book Awards 2023 for her book Now You Breathe – Overcoming Toxic Relationships and Abuse in the Powerful Relationship Guide category. She also won the Golden Book Awards 2024 for her book titled Breaking Free Embracing Me which addresses the impact of Childhood trauma and toxic conditioning in adults.
A highly decorated writer, Rakhi was named Author of the Year at the National Achievers Award 2022 at the Constitution Club of India. Her literary excellence has also earned her the WriteInfluence Award (Season 3 and Season 5) and the Author of the Year – Nonfiction title at the Ukiyoto Literary Awards 2023 as well as 2024.
Beyond writing, Rakhi Kapoor is a dynamic Indian woman who wears multiple hats, continuously pushing boundaries and inspiring others with her work.
Welcome to our Exclusive Talk , Author Rakhi Kapoor.
Q1) When we talk about Domestic Violence what is the first thought that comes to your mind ?
Ans : Love and Abuse don’t go together.There is no justification for this kind of violence. A home is a safe haven for any individual. A place where one feels loved and secure. The only place of solace for a person in this whole wide world. If a home itself becomes a place of violence and trauma then what chances does an individual have to survive in the outside world?
Q2) Very sadly , a large part of the population just considers physical abuse as abuse , mental health is never given the primary importance . What is your take on this and how do you feel we can get a break through on this ?
Ans : A sound mind is the key to a sound body. Emotional,verbal and mental abuse can be equally detrimental as physical abuse. The thing is physical abuse and mental health are deeply connected . The proof of the pudding lies in the condition which is prevalent amongst people who have experienced some form of violence in real life like soldiers, reporters etc. It is known as post traumatic stress disorder. PTSD. Violence results in physical wounds, wounds in the body which can be treated but the impact violence has on the mind is like a slow poison or toxin which gradually alters an individual’s personality, destroying their mental health ultimately taking a toll on their physical wellbeing as well.. When the source of the violence is at home and a loved one betrays the trust by violating an individual it deeply impacts a person’s perception of trust, relationship and faith in themselves which affects all other relationships and interactions of the traumatised individual both in their professional and personal life. The breakthrough will come when we stop stigmatising mental illness and mental health issues. When the society is ready to accept that it’s natural for the human body to be inflicted with injury and disease, likewise the human mind can meet with the same fate.
Q3) You have written a Best Seller “ Now You Breathe” where you have explained wonderfully about Narcissistic Relationships .Can you tell our readers when is the First point where one can understand Narcissistic Relationships.
Ans : Narcissistic relationships function on one fundamental ethos “one rule for one person but a totally different set of conditions for the counterpart”. A relationship where one’s needs are not met and they are constantly blamed, judged and belittled. Most people don’t even understand that they are being controlled, manipulated or verbally and emotionally abused. The relationship feels like a prison sentence rather than a safe space of growth and peace. It’s only in isolation when the victims are all by themselves they know that something is a miss in their relationship and they feel choked and tied down. Hence the title of my book “ Now You Breathe “itself captures the very essence of such toxic relationships.
Q4) There is a thinking which comes in the minds of specially a woman that – “They have spent so much time in a relationship and what if it does not work out “. What is your take on this topic?
Ans: Accepting violence , raising one’s voice and standing up for oneself comes from the core of an individual’s personality which has deep roots to conditioning, behaviour and habits. It stems from the upbringing, past experiences, family values, belief systems of parents and society. All these shape an individual’s life choices.
Women not only spend a lot of time but have to strike a balance between their personal aspirations , professional growth and financial independence when it comes to making a relationship work. It’s mostly women who change geographies or locations, change jobs or careers ,it’s mostly women who take a break from their careers to raise a family. It’s a saga of sacrifices and compromises. Women then weigh all the years of emotional and physical effort they put in and justify their sacrifices equating it to the worth of the relationship. In the name of children , society ( what will people say ), financial dependendabilty a woman silently goes about being committed in an abusive relationship. It’s hard to break away. Gradually over the years it becomes a matter of habit tolerating and living with the violence as if it was a natural part of the relationship.
Q5) Finally , what role do you think a society and family plays – when it comes to domestic abuse ?
Ans : Family plays a vital and fundamental role. A child, be it a girl or boy who grows up witnessing violence which is not curbed in the home, thinks it’s the natural order of relationships. Power control and violence are the way to interact with people, especially loved ones, instead of interacting with respect, compassion, empathy and understanding. Who is the society made up of? Each and every individual isn’t it ? It’s all interconnected. The role of the family is to nurture an individual with healthy parenting skills, being a role model for the children. When women or domestic help for that matter even a man is abused or trapped into an abusive, violent or narcissistic relationship it’s pertinent to look into the childhood, upbringing and value systems of the perpatrator. The society needs to shed bias and labelling and make laws to protect individuals but the uprising will happen only at an individual level. Hurt People Hurt other people. With the spread of violence , abuse and narcissistic relationships we only damage individuals and trauma begets further trauma. The buck is passed on and hence more victims will rise. In my book Now You Breathe I have explained the factors without bias about abusive relationships and what creates a victim or a violent person. The outcome of trauma is a two edged sword.
It’s time that we start giving prime importance to mental health. It’s time to stop labelling people with mental health issues so that they can come forward and take help. It’s time that we are open to understanding that violence has a lot to do with external influences, social media, mass media and also basic human interactions in the family since childhood. It’s time schools start including mental health in their curriculum. It’s time that we stop fearing what people will say and come out of the closest with sexual abuse and child molestation even if it means that a close family member is involved which is most likely the case. Stigma is the greatest lid which is bottling up this issue and disabling people from getting help. It’s important we urge people to get help without the fear of being judged. A violent person, a person with extreme anger issues , the one who bullies needs as much help as the victims of violence, abuse and narcissistic abuse.
